I feel like the majority of your 20’s are centered around figuring yourself out and discovering your authenticity to it’s core. I’m turning 23 soon and even though I’ve only just dived into my 20’s, I already feel more self aware and in tune with my thoughts than I ever have before. That’s not to say I have it all figured out because I definitely don’t. But to put it frankly, I’ve never been as confused, yet sure about life as I have in this very moment. So without further ado, here are some discoveries I’ve recently made about myself.
An important one I recently discovered is how affected I am by people, and I mean this in every literal sense. The empath in me, my self worth, people pleasing and how I’m generally energized all heavily depend on the people around me. Okay this may be confusing, but bare with me. Most of my friends and family usually feel drained after being with people for too long, however, I’ve learned that I’m the complete opposite. Being alone for too long drains me. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with being by myself. I just find that after a while I miss the presence and company of others. I think this has a lot to do with me being an over-thinker (another discovery). If I’m alone too long, my mind starts to wander, and once it starts it’s very hard for it to stop. This usually takes me to places in my mind I have no business being at, so having people around me really helps distract me.
Being an empath is something I’ve known about myself for a while. It can be very frustrating feeling the emotion someone is experiencing next to me so vividly, and at times it’s very draining. Especially to the people I’m close to- I tend to take their burdens and stress as my own, on top of my own problems. As someone who doesn’t deal well with stress, you can see how this can become a bit overwhelming. On the other hand, it does let me connect to people in a more intimate way and let’s me be there for them with a natural ease and comfort.
The self worth topic is a little bit heavier than the other two. Constructing your worth on other people’s opinions is not any way you should be living your life. I realized I’ve been constructing my self-image through other people’s eyes for years now. It’s not much of a “self” image because I didn’t curate it from within. Validation from others has always been so important to me, and luckily I’ve been working to not make this my norm. It’s an extremely daunting task to unlearn how you receive compliments and criticism. The way I look at it is like this: how you view yourself is essentially how you present yourself. Even though you might have to fake it till you make it, the way you walk into a room speaks volumes. Confidence is something we all have to practice, and once you do you’ll start to realize the change in the way you see yourself. You don’t need someone to tell you you look good. Know what the F you bring to the table, and once you do, you won’t ever settle for less. That comes to friendships, relationships, your career, mind, body and soul. The noise will always be there, you just have to learn how to tune it out.
People pleasing. The people I tend to please are most often my family or friends that are like family. The biggest thing I’ve realized is that I have a voice. I have an opinion. I don’t have to stay quiet when I feel like something’s unjust, no matter who that pisses off. It’s so frustrating when you feel like you’re not heard or understood by someone you’re extremely close to- whether that be a friend, family member or significant other. You feel like nothing you say is translating across to them, and for a split second you find yourself feeling like maybe what you're saying isn't at all making sense. Maybe there is something wrong with you. In your head you can feel completely justified but if that outside validation doesn't peep through, you find yourself questioning the very essence of your thought process. Once I realized I had been feeling this way more times than I could count, I had to take a step back. Why am I feeling this way? Why are people making me feel this way? Or better yet, why am I letting people make me feel this way? Stick to your gut cause that’s the only way you’ll stay true to yourself. Believe in what you have to say because it means something to YOU. Just because someone fails to understand you, doesn’t mean you failed at the way you thought.
-love Sof
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