“Choose your friends wisely.” Having solid people in your life is essential to an otherwise solid life. They say your personality is the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Make friends with the wrong people and you’ll end up in places and positions you never wanted to be in, or even worse- become a person you never sought to become. So how much do friendships impact the stability and sanity of our lives? Friendships hold a lot of influence on us, but ultimately we have the power to decide how much they affect us. We aren’t always aware of how much we’re letting someone influence us at times, but in order to retain our individuality we don’t have a choice but to be aware. This was one of the biggest lessons I had to learn while navigating through various kinds of friendships throughout the years, and it was something I was able to learn/grow from.
One of the biggest factors to take into consideration when reflecting on any of your relationships is the quality of that relationship. It’s not always about your energy matching up with theirs, but about whether or not you’re getting what you need from the relationship. If it’s support you need, are you getting the right amount? If it’s love you’re craving, is your craving being satisfied? Everyone is different and every relationship is different, so this is completely relative to the individual. Nevertheless, it’s definitely something you should gain some perspective on, and become in tune with if you’re not content with any relationship in your life. Quality over quantity, always.
Energy is KEY, and I’ve recently discovered the importance of it. The vibes between two individuals have to be harmonious- not necessarily all the time- but at least majority of the time. Energy is constantly changing. According to the first law of thermodynamics, it’s neither created nor destroyed right? But it does tend to change form. That’s what happens in friendships too. Overtime the energy will shift to a new form. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. You quickly learn throughout the years which friendships are immortal, and which ones weren’t strong enough to survive the obstacles life threw at it.
As your priorities shift, so will the way you prioritize what friendships you want to keep in your life. Loyalty, love, support and protection. These ideas keep friendships afloat. On the other hand- betrayal, a lack of effort, distance and/or disrespect can tank a friendship. We tend to forget that friendship is a commitment. Everyone gets busy and preoccupied with their own lives, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t necessarily mean your friendship holds any less significance from when it did before. For me, the friendships that are relevant in my life are usually the ones I tend to keep up with more. I’ve learned to match people’s energy because that’s what works best for me. I tend to invest too much into each and every relationship, and in order to keep myself away from disappointment I find reciprocating energy is the best way to find solace within myself and my relationships.
Just with romantic relationships, platonic relationships require you to have a certain amount of self respect. You need to be aware of what you deserve from a friendship and what you don’t. Tea these days tends to be burning hot and easily shared/spilled. It gets harder and harder to know who to trust and who not to. Go with your gut because 9 times out of 10- it’s usually right. I always have a little voice in the back of my head that goes off once I know I’m starting to overshare with someone I shouldn’t be oversharing with. Trust that voice and again always be aware.
It’s also important to understand what you value in a friendship. Personally, I value integrity, empathy and vulnerability. Integrity is essential because you always want the people around you to have the best intentions for you and for themselves. We don’t realize the impact of other people’s energy on us, and if you know you’re surrounded by good people- the idea generally is that you’re more likely to strive to be a good person as well. Empathy is something I hold to great value. Someone who understands me, my feelings and empathizes with whatever I may be going through. How can you build a friendship on a lack of understanding? Vulnerability. I appreciate the people who let me in. It’s not an easy thing to let your guard down, and once someone feels comfortable enough to do that with me, I know our friendship has really increased in value- and so has my respect for that individual.
There are some friendships that have an inevitable end. You drift as the seasons change. They serve the purpose they were meant to serve during that period of time.
Friendship is tricky. It doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to you as it does to someone else. Lack of communication and trust can really get in the way of a special bond. Be smart with the people you allow in your life. Only accept the energy you KNOW you deserve. Don’t take for granted the good ones, the ones who’re really there for you through thick and thin. Know when to walk away from anything that adds toxicity to your life. If their energy brings you down, break it off. Life is too short to stand for anything that doesn’t keep you standing.
-love Sof
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