Disclaimer: I can only talk about how anxiety affects ME. It’s different for everyone and can come at different levels, so try to keep an open mind whilst reading this. I am also not an expert on any of this, and I can only speak on what works best for me on how to alleviate it.
Anxiety. It’s a crippling fear of impending doom. You feel helpless, and as if you’ll never find the light at the end of the tunnel. I hate anxiety with a passion. It makes me feel uptight at all times and prevents me from staying in a relaxed, chill state. My mind is always wired, always running and never shuts up. I don’t know what the root of my anxiety is, and I really wish I did. I overthink EVERYTHING. You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. I worry. Excessively. I worry about every hypothetical situation possible. It’s not that I look at the glass half empty, but I like to be prepared for the worst possible scenario. My sister says I have the worst paranoia because I think of things that won’t ever happen, and yet these thoughts will still creep into my mind. My insecurities like to play with my anxiety. Anxiety will enhance every last insecurity of mine. Then there’s stress. Anxiety likes to tell you “yeah, you’re stressed and you can do nothing to fix it.” Anxiety is tricky and you have to overcome and conquer negative thoughts to dispel it. Easier said than done though. So what do I do? How do I cope?
First, let me describe an anxiety attack real quick. For me, it’ll start with hot flashes. My mouth will get really dry and the pit of my stomach will start to hurt badly. I begin to get really nauseous and I start to hyperventilate. My breaths become really short, and I can’t do anything in that moment except to let it pass. I begin with my breathing. I take control of my breathing with deep breaths- inhaling, exhaling. I need to drink water as soon as I can to cool myself down. Fresh air is also really important. If I can’t get rid of the thoughts, I try and talk to someone. It’s not always easy. I’m the type of person who hates burdening my friends with my problems. It also makes me feel like I’m being ungrateful. Life is hard, but others will always have it much worse than you. So why can’t I deal with a bit of anxiety?
Listening to music helps me get away from all my problems and gets me out of my head for the time being. The one thing I should do more of is yoga and sweating out all my problems in the gym. Physical activity can make you feel so much better about yourself- regardless of what you’re going through.
Anxiety is a real thing. It triggers me when people say it’s “all in your head” or “just stop thinking about it.” If you feel like you have an anxiety problem you should try and first determine how often you’re feeling this way and if it’s for rational things to be worried about. Once, I was driving and my gaslight came on. I only had to drive a couple of miles to the gas station, but I unreasonably started to freak out. I started yelling at my sister for no reason, and I had an irrational fear that I was going to get stuck in the middle of the road with no way to get home. Looking back at it, I thought to myself, that was such an irrational paranoia for no reason. I knew nothing was going to happen but in that moment, I felt like I was stuck in my head and couldn’t get myself to realize what was happening. There was another time when I was taking graduation pictures for my sister on the railroad. Irrationally, I started getting very anxious that a train was going to come while we were on the tracks. Because of this, I hastily finished taking her pictures and got off the tracks as fast as I could. I knew there was no train coming, and that we would for sure hear it if it was, but these thoughts kept nudging me and I couldn’t take it.
Anxiety will try to hold you back. I’m still learning every day how to tackle it in healthy ways. If you’re dealing with anxiety, I’m rooting for you. You’re bigger than it, and I hope you find the right tools to fight it. It may not be fair or easy, but you have to deal with the cards you’ve been dealt- whether someone believes you or not. You know yourself best.
-love Sof
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