DISCLAIMER: This blog post is going to be somewhat of a brain dump. It’s something I’ve always felt passionate about, so bare with me as I vent about something that really TRIGGERS me. I’m also no expert/doctor, so everything I’ve written about are my opinions or based on research that I’ve curated.
Every month, Mother Nature leaves most of the female population a little "gift" if you will. Most of us dread receiving said "gift", and others embrace it (cheers to not being preggo!). Menstruation. Isn’t it fascinating that nearly half the world’s population experiences having their period every month, YET we tiptoe around the topic as if it’s illegal? Don’t even consider bringing it up around Desi people- it’s even more taboo and controversial. It’s completely UNFAIR that women must conceal this natural phenomenon for the sake of making a male feel comfortable. No woman should feel embarrassed that BECAUSE of NATURE, they bleed for 7 days give or take EVERY month. Think about it this way: a woman not only PHYSICALLY but MENTALLY goes through the wringer, and they have absolutely no control over it.
Period symptoms are beyond just physical. Not only does she have to endure her body changing- but also instability in her hormones and mental health. Of course, all physical and mental symptoms vary. No two women will have the exact same period. Physical symptoms can vary from cramps to bloating to headaches and even vomiting. Period cramps can be crippling. They literally feel like someone is punching or twisting your uterus. Mine, personally, feel like someone has laid heavy bricks on my waistline, and I can barely move. Mental symptoms can stem from feeling low about yourself, feeling emotions to a heightened extent, and even depression or frustration from not understanding these emotions. ALL of these feelings, however, must be concealed with a smile on our face and no days allowed off from school or work. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve taken an exam whilst being in severe pain due to period cramps. And I just want to point out- before you suggest Midol- I always take it, and it only gets me so far.
The stigma around periods is BEYOND my comprehension. I mean- people have no problem casually period shaming. And if you don’t know what period shaming is- it can be as simple as asking a girl if she’s on her period due to however she’s acting in the moment. Yeah, that simple. It doesn’t just stop at your period. PMS or Pre Menstrual Syndrome is when our hormones start to affect our emotions. And the shame starts there- “Are you PMS’ing?” is a common question we’ve all heard. I can best describe PMS as a hormonal imbalance that essentially leads us to feeling really crap about ourselves. We lose sense of our self, and often times our confidence may plunge. We feel sad randomly, get irritable, breakout, crave random food and might get tired more easily than usual. All of this is OUT of our control. (I just want to point out that even though these things are out of our control, we can relieve some of these symptoms via birth control, exercise, a healthy diet and medicine. However, this doesn’t change the fact that we still have to endure it all- but it does help!)
After doing thorough research, I stumbled upon the fact that there are different variations of PMS. A reason I really wanted to write this post is because of my own personal experience with PMS. Something I’ve noticed throughout the years is that a week before my period starts (so when PMS begins), I get very depressed and thoughts of suicide will start to creep into my mind. I would always account these thoughts to the fact that I’m probably about to start my period, but I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to have thoughts like this. My mother, sister and friends don’t relate to this whatsoever. My research led me to a possible cause- Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD. The symptoms I read up about ticked every one of my boxes, although of course, I haven’t been properly diagnosed (which is the first thing I’m going to do once we’re out of quarantine).
A full list of symptoms can be found here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/about-pmdd/#.XQFrDohKjIU
These feelings are mainly composed of extreme anxiety, tension, being on edge, feelings of being overwhelmed, depression, and suicidal thoughts. You can also have trouble sleeping, breast tenderness and changes in your appetite. It affects 1 in 20 women and there’s no test you can take that’ll really diagnose you. For that reason, this often gets misdiagnosed, and people aren’t too familiar with the disorder. Furthermore, there’s not much treatment for it either. From what I’ve read, you can track your symptoms and feelings from when PMS begins to the end of your period, every cycle. Writing and keeping track of it can help the doctor better assess whether you have PMDD. Whether I have this or not, I think it’s important to bring awareness to this just in case anyone that’s reading might be going through something similar. We don’t talk about our periods enough- let alone PMS/PMDD, so how are we ever going to get the help we need? Especially if no one knows what we’re talking about?
If we’re able to openly discuss our periods without fear of a male overhearing and feeling uncomfortable, then maybe we can help more women feel good about themselves and menstruation! We can learn more about remedies out there and research further how to alleviate our symptoms. If more men (and even some women) could sympathize/empathize with our pain, we could normalize getting days off because of debilitating periods. We can also potentially get rid of the embarrassment surrounded by menstruation. Most of us are guilty for hiding pads when we’re on our way to a public restroom. Even just asking for a pad/tampon at school used to feel like we were part of a drug deal. This kind of stuff is always hush-hush, but for what reason? Why don’t we feel comfortable admitting we’re on our period?
I know this can stem from the way we were raised and how our parents/grandparents view menstruation- especially in a Desi household. Some of my friends would be forced to come down for Suhoor during Ramadan, even when they’re on their period- JUST so that their brothers or father wouldn’t suspect anything. (Just to clarify, during Ramadan, if you’re on your period, you aren’t allowed to fast). By doing this we’re literally enabling misogyny at the sake of our daughters. A woman feeling as if she’s “impure” during this time isn’t so much based on religion, as it is culture. We’re meant to make up the fasts we miss anyway- so why do we have to hide it? I think it’s hard for me to relate to this because I only have one sister, and we discussed our periods openly in our household. My dad didn’t have a problem going and buying pads for us or making sure we were okay whenever we were in severe pain during that time of month. I didn’t think it was taboo to talk about your period until I got to college and discussed with my friends why they were more quiet about their period than I was- and especially why it would make my guy friends feel uncomfortable if periods were ever brought up in conversation. It was all down to “that was never discussed in our household, nor was it allowed to be discussed.” I’m not saying everyone HAS to feel comfortable with talking about their period, but women who are comfortable with talking about their femininity should be able to do so freely, and without judgment. A Bollywood movie that does a good job highlighting this is Padman. It depicts how periods are viewed in developing countries like India and Pakistan. Women on their period weren’t allowed to sleep in the house, and were rather forced to sleep in a cot outside. They were meant to feel as if they were dirty- when being on your period isn’t a dirty thing! Your body is literally trying to clean itself out.
I feel like I can talk about this topic for hours on end. I just want to normalize talking about periods- and for them to not be treated as something gross and taboo. I want to kill the stigma, and the only way I know how is to bring awareness to what we actually endure once a month. If you’re a male, maybe after reading this you’ll feel a little bit more sympathy towards your sister or mother, girlfriend or wife. Think twice next time before you ever decide to shame a girl for being on her period again.
love, Sof
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