Today, I want to talk about something that I don’t feel like many people typically discuss. You may not even relate to it, but I needed an outlet- and what better place then to take it to my blog :)
This Ramadan was one of the most challenging months I’ve ever encountered. I know I’m blessed to be able to say that Ramadan was challenging for mental reasons rather than physical. I’m aware that there are millions around the world who are suffering, and can’t have the Ramadan we are privileged to have here in the states. I am by no means complaining about my circumstances, and I want to emphasize this before the message is lost in translation. However, something about this Ramadan didn’t feel like Ramadan. Maybe, I had such high expectations for myself since I had the best Ramadan-spiritually- last year. Maybe it was because it was the first Ramadan where I was working 9-5, and going into office every day. Maybe it was the fact that millions were suffering around the world, and the news was so heartbreaking each and every day. It just feels like my head and heart both weren't in it, and the amount of guilt I’ve been feeling has been weighing heavy on my mind. I wish I could say that this is a blog post to show how I overcame it, but I honestly didn’t. Once Ramadan was over, I was incredibly depressed and disappointed in myself. I felt as though I had wasted the entire month. I was aware I wasn’t putting in my potential best effort throughout the month, but I also couldn’t get myself to do any more than what I was doing. And I know, that is entirely on me.
I’ve been trying to process my feelings about this, and now that Ramadan is over- I can’t change what’s already happened. So going forward- I essentially need to strive to be a better Muslim. Not just during the holiest of months, but every month going forward. I’m not the most religious, and I don’t have the authority to tell anyone what’s right or wrong when it comes to their own religious/spiritual journey. This is more so just a message to myself. I can't change the past, but I have full control to change the present and future. I can't dwell on what's already happened. I can only learn from it.
Even though I didn’t feel the most spiritually connected- I learned more about my religion than ever before. I sought out information about the Prophet SAW’s life. I learned about where in the world Muslims are truly hurting, and the type of organizations/information that's out there for anyone that’s struggling- whether that be spiritually, mentally, financially, physically etc. I learned that the guilt that's placed on your heart by Allah SWT is a blessing in itself. He's nudging you towards Him- making you aware of your potential. That you may not feel good about yourself, but you have love for your Creator and religion.
I think the beautiful thing about Islam is that there are so many ways we can get close to our religion. Just learning about our religion or other Muslims makes me feel a little more connected. Reflecting on my own journey and where this journey has the potential to lead inspires me to be better, and do better. There are so many components to being Muslim. No one is perfect, and we have to keep that in mind. As long as we're attempting to be better- that's all that truly matters.
If you’ve been following my Instagram (@sofstateofmind), throughout Ramadan, I’ve been posting a charity/organization each day that I truly believe in. Please consider donating to them. There’s so much hatred in the world right now. There’s so much injustice and anger. We can all do our part to add a little light to this dark, dark world.
Islamic Center of North America (ICNA) Relief
The United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA)
An-Nisa
Baitulmaal
Tayba Foundation
Paani for Pakistan
Naseeha
Amaanah Refugee Services
Yaqeen Institute
Penny Appeal
Qalam Institute
Tahirih Justice Center
CAIR Houston
Help India Breathe
The North Islamic Shelter for Abused (NISA)
Ma’Ruf Dallas
Syrian Refugees Relief (Helping Hand for Relief and Development)
Launchgood
Muhsen
The Humanity Projects
American Muslims for Palestine
Uyghur Human Rights Project
INSAN for Humanity
Sakeenah Homes
Institute for Muslim Mental Health
Just to name a few. Hopefully, I’ll be back to writing more.
love, Sof
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