Anyone close to me knows I’ve had my fair share of friendship struggles. I’ve always been the type to become too close to people, too quickly. I tend to trust people easily (which is usually the opposite for most), and some would say this is one of my biggest flaws. I think it’s because I like to see the good in everyone, even when they’ve given me a million reasons not to. I become a pushover to such an extent, that essentially people tend to walk all over me and… I let them. I’m getting better at it. I’ve started defending myself. It took a lot for me to get to this point though. I mean 4 years of high school, and 3 years of college and NOW I decide to start standing my ground? So what triggered the change? What made me realize my worth- because essentially, that’s what it stems down to.
Enter High School.
This was an interesting time for me. In high school, your insecurities are heightened. Not having friends is considered social suicide, or at least, that’s how I felt at the time. I let really selfish people mistreat me and I could never bring myself to speak up. I wasn’t bullied, per se. I just had friends without filters who didn’t know their limits. Their problems always seemed to be more important than mine. So in the name of being a good friend, I kept my mouth shut and did everything I could to maintain these friendships. I would defend them instead of myself. I’d come up with excuses like “they were there for me that one time” or “with what they’re going through, I can’t stop being friends with them” or “yeah they did or said that to me again, but at least they apologized.”
Enter College.
Most of the friendships I made in high school didn’t come to college with me, and maybe I’m a little bit grateful for that. College was going to be my fresh start. Besides my first semester- which deserves it’s own blog post- I made friends. And not the low quality friendships I had been so used to. Actual, meaningful friendships. The friends I’ve made in college are real life angels, and I didn’t think people like this existed. For once, I wasn’t making all the effort. For once, I wasn’t the only person checking up on the other. I sometimes get really emotional thinking about it, and it’s because, for so long I didn’t even think I deserved friends like this. Why you ask? I honestly don’t know. Maybe the people in high school didn’t make me feel like I was good enough for steady, lasting friendships.
However, let’s not get it twisted. I did come across some very selfish people in college who would blatantly take advantage of me. They would only hit me up when they needed something or didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I couldn’t catch it early on, but when I finally did, I realized I didn't like what was happening. It started making me angry. Not upset, but blood-boiling angry. How can someone be so selfish? I couldn’t quite comprehend it, but again I shouldn’t have been surprised. I hate confrontation because I always ended up being the one to apologize, even when I wasn’t wrong. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid anymore. I had solid friendships with people who really cared about me, and it finally occurred to me, quality over quantity.
So I stopped caring, and decided to cut them off or confront them. No one can tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel and you shouldn’t give anyone that right. I knew, in my head, I wasn’t in the wrong. In high school, people would make me feel like I was wrong for feeling the way I did. Like my reactions to people’s actions weren’t acceptable or that I was too sensitive and overreacting. To be quite honest, even in college people would make me feel that way. But the difference is, the high school me would never be able to cut anyone off. The high school me would continue to let them take advantage of me or talk down to me. That’s what happens when you realize your worth though, you stop standing for it.
You should assure yourself that you’re not going to settle for less than you deserve. I was lucky enough to find strong friendships that helped show me that. They would ask me WHY I let certain people treat me the way I did, and it helped me realize I don’t deserve any of it. So this is me asking you, why do YOU let certain people treat you the way they do? Why do you stand for it?
If you’re in a similar situation, just know that people like you do exist. If you give more than you get, know that there are people out there who will equal your efforts, or at the very least, appreciate it. Don’t lower your standards- even when it comes to friendships. I’m a firm believer in “you’re as good as the people you surround yourself with.” In high school, it’s all about the numbers and wanting to fit in. To be quite honest, telling you not to give into it would be counterproductive. Be friends with whomever you want, but if they’re not good friends to you, don’t let them get too close. Don't expect anything from anyone. High school will end in 4 short years, and you’re off to another adventure. Whether that’s college or the real world, you’ll find your rhythm. It seems like the end of the world sometimes, especially when you feel alone, but be patient. There’s a bigger plan. I hope you all realize your worth because you deserve what you put into this world. Stand your ground and stay strong. It’s a selfish world, and to survive, sometimes we need to be slightly more selfish.
-love Sof
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