Before you read this, I want to preface that this is just going to be a brain dump of the thoughts that have been going through my mind these past couple of months. I don’t intend for it to have a head or tail.
I know it’s been a minute. I said I was going to write more, and well… I didn’t. I don’t know why it took me so long to get myself back behind a laptop. The lack of motivation encumbered me. Losing my motivation to write has always been a constant fear of mine. I don’t think people understand how highly I pride myself on being a consistent writer. This blog has given me a sense of purpose and for that, it’ll always be something I’m rooting for- at least for myself. When I let time pass without writing, I start to convince myself I’m a failure. Thus becomes a vicious cycle of negative self talk- “No one reads this anyway” “Why waste your energy?” “You’re not even a good writer” Re-motivating myself is it’s own process. “I only write for myself” “I write because I enjoy it, and it’s a passion of mine” "You've come so far, why give up now?" When something isn’t giving you immediate success, it’s easy to give that thing up and quit. So when thoughts of quitting Sof State of Mind all together crept in mind, I had to evaluate just how passionate I was. That’s because passion is what should drive me, not success.
Had I given up, you wouldn’t be reading this now. Whether success of this blog comes or doesn’t, I’ll know that I wrote because I WANT to write and write to my heart’s content. I’ve put far too much pressure on myself for making these thought-provoking essays on issues that I believe people should concern themselves with. But I also realized, I can have posts like this too- where I’m just sharing with the world the current train of thoughts running through my mind. So that's exactly what I'm going to do now...
SOF'S STATE OF MIND (at the moment):
My favorite time to write is February because I always do a "love and relationship" centered piece. I’m still hoping to do that soon because I have some good ideas for it.
I started a corporate job, which has partly been responsible for my lack of writing lately. It’s a whole new world, and my experiences thus far deserve it’s own blog post.
I’ve been having a hard time dealing with how to be someone who always keeps others in consideration, but rarely be considered in return.
Being more patient means that you have to be less reactive. The combination of these two things is something I’ve been trying to do more of. They go hand in hand, and when someone triggers you, it’s very hard to do either.
I want to stop giving everyone excuses for the way they act.
Entitlement is a disease.
Relapsing into depression shouldn’t be shameful. Neither should worsening anxiety.
Love is hard, but weathering storms and witnessing that the sun is still able to rise the next day is a beautiful thing.
Standing up for yourself in the face of narcissism is something your younger self would be so proud of. You’re doing great sweetie.
I’m happy to make any one of these thoughts their own blog post, and probably will at some point. It feels cathartic getting out what’s been simmering in my mind. Thanks for listening.
love, Sof
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