A harsh reality of life: people won’t always live up to your expectations: whether that be a partner, friendship or a family member. From time to time, I evaluate the relationships in my life (which you’ve obviously seen before). People are always changing due to their own circumstances and of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Growth is part of human nature. However, sometimes people will switch up on you without warning. They’ll start treating you differently and you’re left wondering, “Am I to blame?”
But why am I SO quick to assume that their mood swings have anything to do with me? The world doesn’t revolve around me and therefore, not every behavioral change someone has is a direct consequence of something I did… right? On the other hand, if I constantly live with this mindset I’d be naïve. It’s important to check ourselves just as much as it’s important to check others. It’s all a part of a balancing act.
There are different ways people can switch up on you. One is the tone in their voice or the harshness of their words. You may never have had a problem with them before, but all of a sudden they start treating you more aggressively than usual. For me personally, this person in my life started acting this way ONLY with me. The people we were with didn’t receive the same treatment. Mind you, this is supposed to be somebody I’m chill with. So naturally, the first place my mind went to was self-doubt. Did I do something to offend this person at some point in time? Did I come across aggressive in any way? I thought long and hard about these questions and even asked people around me what they thought. I came to the conclusion that I hadn’t answered yes to any of these questions AND I had other people check my behavior as well. So what was this person’s issue with me? TBH, I still haven’t figured it out myself. At some point, I may confront this person, but it’s not a priority of mine. I’m making a conscious effort to stay away from negative energy and/or anyone that TRIES (key word: TRIES) to make me feel bad about myself when it’s not justified by any means. Not everything needs confrontation (IDK why people don’t understand this). Some times these confrontational conversations can lead to more negativity. You have to pick and choose your battles. Know what’s worth fighting for- I think that shows a great deal of maturity just as equally as confrontation in general. That doesn’t mean that I’m letting this person continue to treat me the way they do. When appropriate, I stand my ground and defend myself, of course. Gauge the person’s personality and how they react to things. If you think you’ll be able to get through to them, then by all means, confront them. A major confrontation, however, is not something I need to do at this point. Removing this person’s energy from my life, IS something I need to do though. Balance.
Another way a person will switch up on you is a sudden lack in interaction. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course. Most of the time this is usually circumstantial but guess who let’s anxiety get the best of them? And you know what goes hand in hand with anxiety? Self doubt. So of course, knowing this person had every validated excuse in the book, my mind still went to “Oh, do they not want to hang out with me anymore? Did I do something to upset them?” Again, why do we always assume everything is about us? Deep down somewhere, I knew I shouldn’t take it personally. But when you’re used to something for so long, a sudden change in someone’s behavior towards you will always make you question yourself just a little. Especially if this person has a constant presence in your life. So how do you fix this? In most circumstantial cases you can’t. You have to let your friendship ride this wave, and if it does, then you’ll be able to beat the dry spell. If you can’t, well, you’ll eventually drift apart. Sometimes friendships end without a reason- and this is another harsh reality of life. It’s happened to me a couple of times so I definitely can’t rule it out as a possibility.
I’ve been trying to think of WHY I’ve been feeling this way lately and why I’m so quick to put the blame on MYSELF rather than the person who’s actually switching up without reason (from what I currently know). Introspection is good, but too much of it can drive you insane. I took a look at how I've been behaving since I’ve started college. I started out really shy and unable to defend myself. I’ve always thought that if I’m nice to everyone people won’t dislike me and I’ll avoid conflict. LOL. I was wrong of course. The kindness was taken advantage of time and time again. Even now, I feel like people still view me as sweet but weak. Why does kindness equate to weakness though? I don’t see myself as weak just because I try to be kind. I’ve come a long way, and if I’m able to self-reflect and cut out whatever brings negative energy to me or any negative energy I bring upon myself then I don’t consider that weak character. People are so quick to nit-pick and act petty about things that just don’t matter. It’s not worth it. But just because I don’t fight everything that slightly bothers me, I still don’t let people behave with me a type of way anymore either. If something bothers me, I will absolutely clap back when necessary. That’s the key part though, “WHEN NECESSARY.”
Be aware of how people behave around you, but don’t concentrate on it. By doing so, you’ll only create more imaginary problems for yourself. Just remember, you can’t let people walk all over you. You have to find the right balance of being nice but also standing your ground. That’s the key. Balance.
-love Sof
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