2018. Honestly… good riddance. Just to be sure I wasn’t the only one who felt so unfavorable towards this past year, I surveyed my friends. Almost all the feedback was negative: Challenging. Exhausting. Long. Stressful. Wild. A rollercoaster. A bitch. A lesson. For me, personally, 2018 started in a completely different way than it finished. I got to experience things I never imagined I’d get to experience, but also went through things I never thought I’d have to go through. Nonetheless, 2018 was filled with an abundant amount of lessons about the ebb and flow of life…
Lessons…
One of the biggest lessons I learned is not to be so afraid of everyone and everything. Whether it’s my family or my friends (or even strangers TBH), I’ve always felt like I’m living in constant fear- fear of not pleasing them, not doing right by them, or even of losing them. It finally hit me. I don’t live or exist for someone else. Of course, it’s nice to get their approval, but it’s not the end all be all. If I feel good about myself and my decisions, it should be validation in itself.
Bouncing off that, whatever leaves, let it leave. Whatever it is, let it be. Go with the flow. It’s a cliché, I know, but I can’t say it any better. There’s no point in working yourself up about things entering and/or leaving your life. That’s life. That's what it was meant to do.
I also learned that when you’re going through something, the only person you can depend on is yourself to get through it. No one else got you like you got you. Only you can pull yourself up out of the dark. Your support system can help inspire/motivate you to get your shit together, but ultimately it depends on you to carry out the action. It's all in your control. If you’re unhappy about something, only you can do something to change it. Someone else may deal the cards to you, but you’re the one who plays the game.
And because of that, you can’t rely on anyone for your happiness. Odds are, at some point or another, they’ll end up disappointing you. It’s human nature to mess up. If you let someone else dictate your feelings, you’ll eternally be unhappy. Don’t give someone else such an immense power.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to keep someone in your life. Whether that reason is because of the amount of years you’ve been in each other’s life, what y’all have been through together, or even because you’re related. If someone is toxic, bringing about bad vibes, or making you unbelievably unhappy- it’s okay to let them go. If they don’t respect you, or y’all don’t click anymore you don’t need to keep that energy around. Again, it’s all in your control.
And one of the most important lessons I learned this year is to just keep going… When it seems like the end of the world… keep going. When you don’t think you can do it anymore… keep going. When the whole world seems like it’s against you… keep going. It’s the biggest favor you’ll ever do yourself.
What I want from 2019…
I’m one of those people who really don’t believe in resolutions. If you want to change something, you should do it right then and there. But obviously, there are things I really want to work on this year. I want to be selfish in 2019. Do more things for myself and my future. I want to do more to relax my mind and lessen my anxiety. I want to focus on the people in my life, and nurture those relationships. I love reading, and I don’t think I read nearly enough last year. I want to work more on photography, and take a dance class with my best friend. I want to travel, and attend tons of concerts. To sum it up, I want to be able to roll my shoulders back, take a deep breath in and exhale without stressing out a second later.
A little about the blog…
One of the most special things I did in 2018 was start this blog. Even if just one person reads it, I’m still incredibly proud that I’ve kept it going. I know I began blogmas in December and wasn’t able to finish it. I realized I didn’t have enough time to put out writing I was 100% satisfied with. That’s all I want for 2019. Writing I’m proud to post. So expect one unique lil blog post a month :)
-love Sof
Commentaires