As I’m writing this, I’m on the 2nd day of my cycle- so you know I’m about to go on an emotional rampage (probably TMI- but the girls that get it, get it). This will probably be rawer and more unfiltered than I usually am, but 2021 deserves just that.
I want to give a personal “fuck you” to the year 2021. Good times were sprinkled here and there throughout the year, and I’m always grateful, don't get me wrong- but this was one of the worst years I’ve ever had. I don’t mean to sound harsh, and I don’t want to start 2022 with an outpour of negative energy, but it needed to be said. So… I said it.
This year, I didn’t ask anyone how they felt about 2021 because I have my own personal vendetta against it. Or maybe it had one against me. Nonetheless, was it transformative? Yes. Did I learn a lot? Absolutely. That’s what I’m really here to share, as me talking shit about this past year will probably be counterproductive.
Lessons…
1) Boundaries. This year I learned the importance of drawing boundaries with people. Tough as it may be, sometimes, this is the only way to protect your peace (and trust me, nothing is worth your peace). Boundaries aren’t something I’ve practiced throughout my life, and I wish I had started sooner. If you lean more towards “people-pleasing” on the personality scale, you may find it difficult as well. I’ll say this much- you don’t owe anyone your time, your mind or your presence that doesn’t deserve it. You control how much you give of yourself to others.
2) Mental HEALTH, not Mental HELL. I’ve learned that I can accomplish little to nothing, when I’m mentally unhealthy. I’ve always known mental health is important, but this year, I saw just how much it can affect your health and overall being. Being in such a negative headspace led me to the hospital, and I never want to let it get to that point again. That being said, healing your mental health is difficult. Circumstances that are out of your control, inevitably, will occur- and this has been personally challenging for me. However, I just keep reminding myself to take one day at a time and one foot in front of the other. Just remember, the success rate for this is directly proportional to the amount of effort you put into healing yourself.
3) Your anxiety is lying to you. I know this, yet, any time a panic attack starts, this little detail seems to slip my mind. Anxiety is quite literally an asshole that only wants to bully you into a corner, and not see you thrive. We have to somehow not give him (I say him, as anxiety is most likely a man), the power to take over our life. We have to weaken him, and this can be done by persistently facing him head on with a variety of methods (breathing techniques, affirmations, the tapping method, essential oils- and my personal favorite CBD).
4) Everyone is inherently selfish. Life keeps reminding me (as it should) that people are out here for themselves. Someone can be your bestie today, and the next day they’re on to the next. There will be people who keep you in their life for their own selfish needs, and again, if you’re a “people pleaser” you’ll allow them to. This ties back into boundaries, but seriously, set them! You can’t let these inconsiderate, self-absorbed phonies take advantage of you. Allow the people that are there on a CONSISTENT basis to be there for you, and the others to float their sorry asses away the same way the wind blew them in.
5) Wrong Therapist, Right Time. There is a such thing as a wrong therapist! It won’t always be a perfect match. I’ve finally found a therapist that I can really connect with, and it’s done wonders for me (“what I learned in therapy” blog post coming soon). I encourage everyone to start therapy (even if nothing’s wrong, because odds are something is probably wrong), but also know that if you aren’t feeling a sense of relief after the first few months, try another therapist.
6) I can’t control everything. Listen… I know I wrote this one last year too, but I did not realize how much of a control freak I am. What’s really been hard for me is letting things go, when I’ve done everything I can. As much as I like everything planned out, I have not known where my life is going for the past few years now- and you would think after all this time, I’d have chilled the fuck out. Apparently not.
7) Keep Creating in the Waiting -Morgan Harper Nichols. I’ve learned that people won’t always be supporting me 100% the way I would like them to. My views on my blog, likes on Insta or even engagement on Tik Tok may go down from time to time. Instead of taking it personally, I have to keep going. By moving forward, my personal growth increases. My writing will get better, if I continue each year. My techniques for video editing enhances as I practice. The way I express myself will evolve as time goes on. Staying consistent is key.
8) God has placed me, exactly where I’m meant to be. Whether it’s my job, marital status or health journey. Right now, this is where I’m meant to be. All I can do is work towards where I want to be, and leave it at that. Working myself up on where I’d like to be won’t get me there any faster.
9) Romanticize your life. You’re the main character after all. I don’t know why adopting this school of thought has helped with my mental health tenfold. I think life gains more meaning, when you live with a purpose to give it meaning.
10) You got you, boo. Honestly speaking from personal experience, you’re the only one that can be there for you- the way you want others to be there for you. Only you know what you need. You have to become best friends with yourself. Pick yourself up. Speak kindly to yourself when you look in the mirror. Treat yourself with kindness, and watch the universe return that kindness unto you. You’ve always had it in you, you just have to tap into it.
I don’t have any sort of expectations for 2022. I just want to be kind to myself, heal my trauma and create memories. I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Life only demands from you the strength you possess.” – Dag Hammarskjold
love, Sof
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